The Real Lance Brown

Michael Gray has posted a good summary of the changes Facebook Page owners need to be aware of now that Facebook has switched over to the new Timeline style of pages/profiles.

Think Traffic has put together a really great summary of steps you can (and should) take to develop a kick-ass blog that rocks the Internet’s socks off.

It’s not that hard to achieve success in blogging, but it does take some work. Actually, quite a bit of work–but not hard work. All of these steps are pretty easy in and of themselves, and Think Traffic even includes time estimates for each task. So start working through the list, and by the time you get through the last of these tasks, you will be noticing a difference in your blogging efforts–namely, they will feel easier and be more effective. In fact, you should start feeling those effects well before you finish all 21 tasks.

Are you still reading this? Because you should probably be reading Think Traffic’s post by now, and getting to work on the first task. Get to it!

http://thinktraffic.net/21-quick-actions-for-massive-blog-success

Facebook was giving away $50 in free ads to lure folks into trying Facebook Ads, and I took the bait. My ad’s not running yet, but here’s what I have so far:

I want to optimize the Hire Me page that I’m going to be sending people to before I launch the ad, but I hope to debut it next week sometime. I’m doing pay-per-click with a bid of $1.00 per click. So I should get 50 free visits to the page from this deal.

I was in a rush to get the ad ordered before the $50 coupon ran out, so this isn’t the most professionally-crafted thing I’ve done. I just used an existing pic…but I do like how the “Need a hand?” line happens to fit with my hand-waving self-pic. :-)

What do you think? I still have time to tweak or change it before it “airs”. (Before you ask, their limit didn’t allow the full word “with” in the headline. All I could fit was “wit”, so I went with the shorthand version instead.)

Here’s my most recent column, now up at at Project Simplify:

The Not-So-Simple Life: Are You Done Yet?

by Lance Brown

—

She said, “It’s all about the moment,”
But I got one eye on the clock
It’s all about the moment
I got one eye on the clock
She said, “Open up a little,
You might see what you have got.”

                  -Doug Hoekstra, “Everywhere is Somewhere”

It is a fact of existence: most of our time is not spent achieving our goals.

It sounds sad when stated like that, but really, there are plenty of activities that we engage in with no hope of completion at all, and we don’t get sad about those.

Take breathing, for example. Have you finished oxygenating your body yet? You haven’t? What’s wrong with you? Get to work! Hurry up—breathe in! Now do it again! And again! Faster! You have important things to do, and you can’t spend all your time hung up trying to get this breathing thing done.

After all, you still have to finish washing your dishes once and for all. And raising your children. And learning. You’ve got to get those things done so that you can get to all that important stuff on your to-do list!

Hmmm…so maybe the “completion” model doesn’t always work. Some things just don’t get “done”. Some things do, of course—you can actually finish washing a dish…but, like breathing, the only time you’ll truly be finished washing your dishes is when you’re dead. (On the bright side, your to-do list will shrink radically at that time too!)

So, whether we realize it or not, we’re all accustomed to engaging in efforts that will never quite bring a final sense of accomplishment. They’ll have mini-victories along the way—an empty sink, a high school graduation, another successful round of in-breath/out-breath—but then the task will immediately present itself again. You can try all you want, but you won’t ever truly get to cross it off your list.

Discouraged yet? Don’t be. Just take a moment to breathe. Ready?

Breathe in, and then out.

You did it! Good job! Another successful breath. Have you been practicing? Because you really are excellent at that.

See how that works? No, I don’t mean breathing—I mean accomplishing things. There are two ways to look at it. On the one hand, depending on your age, you have somewhere between 400 and 600 million more breaths to get through in your lifetime. Ugh, right? What a pain in the butt!

…

Read the rest at Project Simplify

This is a really solid post from Joe Foley at WPMU:

15 Habits of Highly Effective Bloggers

I wish I was following more of the rules here. If you’re trying to get serious about blogging, bookmark that post and re-read it every day until you have internalized the tips in it. I can’t argue with a single one of Joe’s suggestions, and while I might be able to think of some to add to the list, there’s no need to even bother–follow his advice and you will have plenty to do (and all of it wise and effective).

I’m not a big salesperson, so I don’t want to belabor this, but my web host is having a 1/2 off sale today only, and it makes for a pretty great deal. (Around $2.50 a month for the basic plan.) It also happens to be one of the only places I have an affiliate account with, so I get a little kickback if you order via my link. (It doesn’t make a difference in the price you pay.)

Here’s some background on hosting: I’ve used about 6 or 7 different major web hosts, for myself and through web site clients of mine. To name some: Network Solutions, GoDaddy, Dreamhost, my current host (Hostgator), and a few others that slip my mind right now. I’ve also used a number of small local hosts, which I won’t name, because local hosts, as a rule, are a bad choice, no matter who they are. Hosting is not something that you should go “small” with, and without exception, I have run into numerous problems with local hosts relating to their smallness. Unavailability, inconsistency, and especially, not keeping up with the latest trends and standards. (Namely, in my line of work, WordPress-friendly hosting, which has always been a hassle with small-time hosts.

As far as the big hosts go, those first three I named suck. Dreamhost may suck the least of the three, because it is at least a place that is primarily focused on hosting. The other two do hosting as a sideline, and that puts them only just barely above local hosts in terms of lameness. Also, all three of those hosts use their own customized “control panels” where you administer your hosting/server, whereas decent hosts all use cPanel, which is a widespread and easy to use control panel. They also have their control panels hosted centrally on their main site (rather than on your rented server location), which means if their main site where everybody is croded in has problems, you can’t get at your hosting tools. I have had that happen at all three of those hosts, and it sucks, big time.

There are many large national hosts that use cPanel, and they are all probably about the same in many ways. Hostgator is definitely a leader of the pack, both in terms of success/size/client base, and in terms of ratings and reviews. They’re not perfect, but in my experience, web hosting is kind of like cell phone providers–they all kind of suck, and the best you can do is find one that sucks less than the others. Hostgator does not suck very much. I’m not crazy about their support, just because you end up having your ticket handled rather anonymously, and each response tends to come from a different person so the chain of communication can be frustrating, but I think you’ll get that with almost all large hosts. (And with small hosts, you’ll usually get one or two overworked people, who often aren’t available after business hours or on weekends, which is just plain unacceptable.)

I’ve been using Hostgator for around 8 years, which I think kind of says it all. Most of their plans support unlimited domains names, email addresses, databases, and plenty of disk space and bandwidth. (Way more than some of the joker hosts like Network Solutions, or Charter Communications, who I just found out only supports one domain name even on their top-end plan, and NO mySQL databases–required by WordPress and other blog/CMS software–on their two low-end plans. <– Ridiculous!)

Anyway, today, until 10 PM PST, Hostgator is offering 1/2 off on all their hosting plans. The 1/2 off is on the first payment only, so it’s best to pay for a year or more up front to get real savings. But, for example, you save over $60 on a year of their Business Plan (which is good if you need to have an SSL/secure server for a shopping cart). Of if you go with the cheapy plan, it’s $2.48 a month if you pay for 3 years, or $3.47/mo if you do a year up front. ($4.47 if you do 6 months up front.)

Those are very good prices. If you have or know of a host that is cheaper than that, they probably aren’t a great host.

So there you have it. If you click here and go buy a plan from Hostgator, I get a little check in 3 months, and you get a sweet deal. If you feel like I’m being lame by trying to get the kickback, you can use this non-affiliate link, and let Hostgator keep that kickback money to themselves. The price for you will be the same. And I recommend Hostgator enough that I still think you should host with them even if you don’t use my affiliate link.

If you do the affiliate link, I’ll also help you out by answering any questions you have in getting things set up there. Just contact me here or on Twitter.

So go ahead! Time’s running out. Thanks for reading.

Oh, by the way, I recommend using 1and1 for registering your actual domain names. They are cheap and easy to deal with. (I have no affiliate deal going with them.)

All litter is lame…but this litter near my house somehow seemed sadder than most:

This a pretty amazing waterfall/fountain that apparently was made in Japan. Impressive!

Here’s my most recent column, now up at at Project Simplify:

The Not-So-Simple Life: Getting Back in the Game

by Lance Brown

—

We’ve already talked about how I basically shut down or dropped all of my way-too-many commitments to projects and organizations around 5 years ago. When I discussed that time (in my column “Flashback: Shutting It All Down”), it was mostly in terms of minimizing my “to-do” load, so that I could focus on the most basic to-do item: being happy and healthy.

It was an act of extreme simplicity, in the name of sanity and well-being. And it worked!

It also cut me off from almost everybody that knew me.

Oops!

Since that time, my main form of connecting with the outside world (aside from a small cluster of friends) has actually been right here in the pages of The Simplifier. First, anonymously writing the sections at the end, then writing a couple of feature articles and opening Notes, and eventually bringing my identity and more of my voice into my writing of the In the News, Featured at Project Simplify, and Keep Smiling sections. When The Simplifier re-shuffled after 4 years or so, I took a much bigger leap into re-introducing myself and connecting to the world: this column, The Not-So-Simple Life.

As a result, while anyone who has stuck around through the past 5 years of this newsletter would probably—nay, have to—consider me a blabbermouth, the other 99.99999% of the world hasn’t heard much from me for quite some time. (Unless you’re one of the 20 or so Twitter followers of mine who seem to be actually listening.)

On an in-person level, things have been even more muted. In any given chunk over the past 5 (or 10) years, there were maybe 2 or 3 people with whom I had enough contact that they had any real idea what was going on in my life. Beyond that there has been a gradually-growing (but still small) universe of freelance clients, but their peeks into my real world have been obviously limited.

Until this year, I hadn’t advertised, or marketed, or done outreach, or networked, for a very long time. Nor had I substantially dated, partied, “gone out”, or the like, for the better part of a decade.

Folks who met me during that time period have naturally concluded that I’m reclusive, a “hermit”, etc. But for the most part, I was just working some stuff out. (Very slowly, apparently.) After about 30 years of hubbub, I took 10 years or so of quiet time.

But I’M BACK, BABY!

…

Read the rest at Project Simplify

Here’s my most recent column, now up at at Project Simplify:

The Not-So-Simple Life: Defining Simplicity

by Lance Brown

—

It’s funny – I’ve written 36 columns about seeking simplicity over the course of a year and a half, and I have yet to define what simplicity means to me, and why I seek it.

Obviously, the issue has come up indirectly more than once. Just in my last column, I talked about aspects of country living that to me represent simplicity. And many of my other past columns have touched upon the various components of simple living that I strive for: organization, control, peace of mind…but what is the real goal here? How do I define it?

Because obviously—this isn’t the first time I’ve said this—my goal is not to simplify so that I have nothing to do. While that would be a simple life, it would also be an unbearably boring life for someone like me, who has literally thousands of things that I want to do.

I enjoy having a lot of irons in the fire. It’s what I prefer. And I enjoy having a lot of work to do. I don’t know any other way. I’m constantly seeking to take more in, and constantly seeking to put more out, and there’s much about that that is just fine and dandy as far as I’m concerned.

So then what is it that I’m looking for? In this hyper-connected world of pervasively invasive technology, where everything and everyone is moving at an unprecedented pace, just what does an information-saturated workaholic mean when he says he’s seeking simplicity?

Good question.

Simplicity = Organization

…

Read the rest at Project Simplify

Here’s another chop at the short bio tree:

Lance Brown is a freelancer who specializes in WordPress web site development. He writes a bi-weekly column called The Not-So-Simple Life, and occasionally emits new editions of his web comic strip The Little Things. In his private life, Lance specializes in building mountains of expectations for himself, and waking up each day in a frustrated-but-enthusiastic attempt to get more done than 50 people could accomplish. Lance used to have a giant ego, and still has a rather large one, but he has also met with great enhumblement. He lives with two dogs and one cat. An aspiring comedian and wanna-be screenwriter–or vice versa–Lance enjoys walking, World and U.S. maps, and Arrested Development. He raises his right eyebrow pretty well, but has a tough time with the left.

I’m currently working hard at my re-emergence into the world in many ways. I’ve had a very shaken year so far, but things are finally settling down, and now that I’m in the greater LA area, I’m just about ready to start busting out with a major new phase of my public life. Stand-up comedy will be involved, as well as podcasting, and my long-awaited (by me) entry into the collaborative world of filmmaking. (There will also be lots and lots of writing, but that’s not the most public of activities.)

It was in the spirit of re-emergence that I accepted a generous invitation by a new Twitter friend of mine, @Crobama, to be a guest on his Dylan Brody’s Neighbor’s Couch podcast. I think he may have thought I was someone. Which at one point I kind of was, at least by some measures. Nowadays I’m not totally sure who I am, especially in terms of presenting myself to the public. Just check out my About page–it’s OK, but it’s not very succinct, to say the least. And there’s no indication of where you should focus when trying to figure out who I am. (Which is probably a reflection of my inner state; we’ll get to that soon enough.)

To get to the point, Darren (@Crobama) asked me for a short bio to use for my appearance on his show. (It will be in late September by the way. On or after the 23rd.)  I don’t know what I’ll end up deciding to use, but I thought it would be a fun exercise to work up some bio draft attempts. Maybe I’ll use them for something someday, or maybe these posts will be the end game for them. We’ll have to wait and see.

Either way, with no further ado, here’s my first run at defining myself at this point in my life. It’s not very serious, but it is all true.

Lance Brown has taken on the FBI and the Project for the New American Century. He’s done local grassroots activism, and he has campaigned for president. He has herded peacocks, and walked over 15,000 miles with his dog. He was once suspended from school for reciting a poem about his math teacher. He saves insects from drowning with the delicate use of pushpins. He writes a bi-weekly column about seeking simplicity, has a comic strip with characters that have no faces, and saves all of his ideas on a digital voice recorder—amassing almost 9,000 audio files, with which he has done very little. He has brown hair, wears glasses, and puts his pets before anything else.

I’ll post more bio-experimentation soon. Let me know what you think of this one!

I’ve decided to start taking polls on important issues of our day. Here’s the first. Vote and be heard!

“Democracy only works if you spam all your friends and make them vote too.”
                                                   -President John Adams

Here’s my most recent column, now up at at Project Simplify:

The Not-So-Simple Life: Deserting the City

by Lance Brown

—

The official story is that I did it for the dogs. “Leash freedom!” was our rallying cry.

I tend to emphasize the official story, because the real story evokes John Denver, and banjos, and maybe a pair of overalls.

When we (my pets and I) moved to Southern California two months ago, definitely the biggest change in our daily lives—besides pure geography—was that of our 2 hours of walking each day, 100% of that time was spent on-leash, and in civilization. And by “civilization”, I mean traffic and noise, sidewalks and fences and yards, highways, traffic lights, crosswalks…each of which presented challenges to my dogs, with very few accordant benefits.

But to say that it was just the dogs that ultimately got us to move back out to the country would definitely only be half of the story.

About two weeks into our new life in the city—some might call where I was a town within L.A., or maybe a suburb, but it was a city by my count—I realized that I was getting particularly agitated, even on our walks. (Perhaps especially on our walks.)

While part of that was the fact that I was living in a garage at the time and perpetually looking for a new place, another big part of it was that it had been two weeks since I had taken any sort of long meditative walk in the woods—which long-time readers know is a key part of my formula for continued mental health.

For some reason, going on walks where I had to negotiate two or three dogs on leashes down noisy streets, through frequent intersections, past manicured flower gardens and yards, often while toting around a nice swinging bag of poop or two, just wasn’t bringing me the quietude and peace of mind I was used to. Go figure.

…

Read the rest at Project Simplify

I got behind on posting my columns here.  Here is my second-most-recent column from over at Project Simplify:

The Not-So-Simple Life: Life in The Big House

by Lance Brown

—

Which do you want first: the good news or the bad news?

OK, the good news. I made it out of the storage trap, and in record time!

Thank you, thank you…you’re too kind. (I assume you’re applauding. If not, my bad—I’ll wait ‘til your hands are free.)

What’s that you say? Oh right, the bad news. Well, good news, because even the bad news has good news. That good news is that I now have plenty of room for houseguests!

Alright, fine…I told myself I wasn’t going to be coy again this time.

The bad news is this: I’m now renting a 4-bedroom house with a 2-car garage and a huge yard.

What’s that you say? That doesn’t sound so bad? You may not be hearing what I’m hearing. You’ve kinda got to lean in close…there’s another voice behind that main headline one, kinda sneaky and whispering. Wait—shh-shh-shh—you can hear it…listen:

I’m going to take on tons of new stuff over the next 6 months.

There it is! It’s a wily one, that little truth. Oh, shh…I think there’s more…

I’m keeping a lot of the things from storage that I had planned to give away.

Ouch, that one stung a little. Though to be fair, I fi-

I’m spending 600 bucks to truck the rest of my shit across the state.

Geez, OK, we get it! No need to get rude, little whispering voice!

…

Read the rest at Project Simplify

I think this photo speaks for itself, but in case it doesn’t…

BIGFOOT IS HIDING IN AN ANTHILL IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD!

Click image to see shocking larger version

Or maybe it’s BIGFOOT CAPTURED BY ANTS IN THE CALIFORNIA DESERT!

I don’t know exactly what it is, but it’s clearly something. Theories are invited.

It’s been slow going getting set up at my new place. One side effect of that is that I still don’t have a real refrigerator. Thus it has been tough to keep up with my burgeoning giant salad addiction. I took a pass at making a salad a while back, but due to limited supplies it was not nearly eye-popping enough for my standards. Today I righted that wrong.

It’s hard to tell from that perspective, but those sunflower seeds are riding at about 10 inches above the counter. This is no side salad.

Here’s the first single portion from that mega-salad:

That plateful basically leveled the big bowl off. There are at least 4 more of those left to go.

Mmmm…salad. It even smells good, with the sunflower seeds in the mix.

I’m about ready for round 2!

My latest column is up at Project Simplify:

The Not-So-Simple Life: The Storage Trap

by Lance Brown

—

We’ve all seen this scene:

There is a jungle path, down which strolls a naïve protagonist—probably wearing a pith helmet or safari hat, and definitely wearing khaki.

Said protagonist is ever-busy gazing at the jungle wonders, checking his trail map, and being on alert for poisonous snakes and head-sized mosquitoes. As such, it’s a coin toss whether our would-be hero will be looking at the ground with enough attention to see what is obvious to all of us: there’s a spot in the trail coming up that doesn’t look right.

Too many branches with too many leaves are gathered in one area just a few steps ahead, and from what we all know of jungle trails, that can only mean one thing. Those branches are just providing rough cover for a pit-style trap—obvious to those paying full attention to where they’re going…but for those who aren’t…a one-way ticket to being a featured buffet item at a cannibal Quinceañera.

We can all see the trap, easily. We’re not caught up in the wonders of the jungle, and the trap is really pretty obvious if you just take a second to look at it. You can see the pit’s inescapable darkness right through the branches there. Honestly, you’d have to be either oblivious or really really distracted to miss something like that.

But then again, the jungle savages wouldn’t keep making those traps if there weren’t people who fell for them. (And into them.)

All of which has me wondering: should I rent a storage unit again?

…

Read the rest at Project Simplify

This is actually a full 360-degree view, though it doesn’t quite look like it like this. You can click any of the individual images to see the full, non-square version.

Earlier today, in an instant messenger conversation, a woman I had just met at a dating site asked me: “What’s your story?”

I thought about it for a minute and replied:

“Boy meets world. Boy fights world. Man loves world. Man changes world.”

I loved it as soon as I wrote it. But, ever the editor, I soon concluded it was missing a bridge…here’s my minor rewrite:

Boy meets world. Boy fights world. Boy becomes man. Man loves world. Man changes world.

I haven’t decided which I prefer for sure, but one or the other is probably the top nominee for what I’d like to see on my gravestone. (Since it will be the future, I’m assuming grave-o-vision will have been invented by then, to make such a thing possible.)